Recently when I asked for questions for my Q&A post I got an awful lot asking me about my relationship status and what it’s like being single in your twenties. I never thought it was a subject I’d discuss on my blog but here we are. I’m 21 and I’ve never had a serious relationship. I probably thought at the time they were serious but looking back, they definitely weren’t serious or healthy. Being single in your twenties is great, but not all of it.
There’s such a huge pressure at this age to find ‘the one’ I often wonder if it gives us enough time to really find ourselves first (the cliché had to be done). Acting selfish is seen as so negative and it shouldn’t be. If someone wants to be selfish with their time to focus on themselves instead of finding a wife/husband, they should be allowed to without question. I flipping love being able to do what I want, when I want, I don’t have to think about anyone else’s responsibilities but my own, I can spend my money purely on myself if I wanted. I’ve been in a relationship with myself for the past 21 years and I don’t think that’s a bad thing.
However, occasionally this hasn’t actually been my choice (how sad). I’m one of the most unlucky-in-love people you will ever meet. It’s never worked out and quite frankly, I’m a little hopeless. The thought of being in a relationship now terrifies me because how do you not act single anymore? Is there a guide book? If (heaven forbid) I do find my own Jamie Dornan I wouldn’t have a clue what to do. Does it just come naturally? It absolutely baffles me. I can’t read dating ques so unless it’s explicitly written in flashing neon lights, I won’t have a clue if someone’s interested.
A couple of my nearest and dearest have recently come out of long term relationships and it’s wonderful to see how well they’re doing. They seem happier and freer and it re-affirms that this is such a perfect age to be single and how life doesn’t revolve around your relationship status. However, now they’re beginning to understand my issues of modern dating.
To even find someone that you can hold a conversation with is difficult, let alone finding someone to spend (potentially) the rest of your life with. With texts you can wait a couple of minutes to think of a witty reply, but in real life if you wait a couple of minutes to reply, it doesn’t go down well. Dating is like a minefield now. Every move has to be strategically thought out because no one wants to seem too eager. Everyone wants the upper-hand and I think we’ve lost the organic nature of relationships. Who makes the first move? When do you make things ‘official’? Why is it socially un-acceptable to message someone 15 times in a row? Who knows.
Sometimes I think it would be so much easier without social media; you could plan to see someone next week and that would be that. Now you’ll see multiple posts, likes, tweets from them within that week. You can stalk their past relationships (don’t lie we’ve all done it) and see what they’re doing and with who. It’s like a scene from ‘He’s Just Not That into You’ where Drew Barrymore’s character has to go through multiple different channels just to get a conversation going with a guy. It’s painful to keep track because you can guarantee you will see something that makes you think “right, alone forever, I’ll go adopt 5 dogs” and then the whole process just starts all over again.
I’m comfortable being single because I’m comfortable with myself. I’ve focused on this for the past few years and I’ll continue to, but I’m starting to not completely shut down the notion of a relationship. Now then, I’m still hopeless and I’m not expecting any Prince Charming to come sweep me off my feet tomorrow, but I’d settle for in a couple of months, even a year…
What are your views on being single? Let me know in the comments or tweet me @laurenmorton_